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How Do I Talk to My Partner about My Lost Libido?

Talking about loss of libido can be daunting at first. In addition to being one of the most traditionally taboo subjects surrounding menopause, it's also a tricky endeavor to talk about it without hurting your partner's feelings.

Despite the obstacles you may have to overcome during this conversation, explaining your loss of desire doesn't have to be difficult. For tips on how to navigate this conversation with your partner, keep reading.

Initiate the conversation about your low libido in a relaxed setting

Understand the problem

Before you can talk to your partner about what's happening with your sexual desire, it's important to fully understand the situation yourself. Lost libido happens because of physical, hormonal, and emotional changes during the menopause transition. You may want to talk to a doctor or look up more about it on your own to find out all the reasons why you could be experiencing lost libido.


Let him know that he's not to blame

One of the reasons lost libido is such a sensitive subject for couples is because some partners believe its because of a problem in the relationship. It's important to reassure your partner that you find them no less sexually desirable and that you are still very much in love.


Spend time doing other things

Remember not to put so much pressure on your sex life. There are other things that you and your partner enjoy doing together, and these can be a wonderful point of entry to this conversation. Also, engaging in activities with your significant other can remind you both of the other qualities that you see in each other. Looking at it from this perspective will make talking about sex more comfortable for both of you.


Discuss about it in a relaxed setting

Speaking of downtime activities, it's important to initiate the conversation about your low libido in a low-pressure situation. Start by doing something you both enjoy, like watching a movie or enjoying a relaxing bath together. One important “don't” is to bring up this subject during an argument or when one or both of you are very emotional. This is a case in which it's smart to let cooler heads prevail.



As much as you do the talking, it's important to listen to your partner, especially if this is your first time discussing your lost libido. Your significant other may just need to express how they've been feeling lately, and it'll be a good time exchange feelings.


Vaginal dryness is a symptom closely associated with loss of libido. If you suffer from loss of libido, there are treatments that may help, such as lifestyle changes and alternative treatments. Talk to your doctor about possible treatment options to get you and your sex life back on track.

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  • Studd, John. "Loss of Libido and Menopause". The Management of Menopause. Annual Review 1998. Partenon Publishing.
  • Channon L.D and Ballinger S.E. "Some Aspects of Sexuality and Vaginal Symptoms during Menopause and their Relation to Anxiety and Depression". British Journal of Medical Psychology. June 1986. 59 (2): 173-80.
  • Sarell, Philip, M.D. "Psychosexual effects of menopause: Role of androgens". American Journal of Obstetrics & Gynecology. March 1999. 180: 3S-II.